Lovesick: Love Story

This week I am going to jump right in.

Have you ever gotten all ready and hyped up about a party only to get there, look around the room and realize everybody there is the same sex as you? It’s kind of a let down.

There is something in each of us that likes hanging out with the opposite sex. If you throw attraction in the mix, it gets even more exciting. In fact I would dare say that there is nothing more exhilarating than meeting someone you are attracted to and getting to know all about them. With all that said it’s easy to see why there is some type of love story in every movie.

For guys and girls, the love story may be the same, but the movie is pretty different. Guys generally want the love story to be a part of the action and adventure. Girls want the love story to be the whole story. Romantic comedies are designed with one gender in mind! Although everyone agrees that falling in love is exciting, all you have to do is watch a movie trailer—with its target audience in mind—to understand that guys and girls are wired differently.

And I’m not talking about boys playing with trucks and girls playing with dolls. I liked to climb trees and go snowboarding growing up and still do. I’m talking about those little personality differences.

In high school there was this guy, we’ll call him John. He was out on the basketball court playing a game. Not really showing off or anything. He went up for a lay-up. Got fouled from behind and came crash landing down on this metal thing sticking out of the ground. He gashed his leg wide open. He got rushed to the ER, got some huge stitches and still has the scar today.

Now I dare say most of you guys are like wow, awesome and would have probably done what the rest of the ball players did and high fived him. Us girls on the other hand, probably were a little groused out and with sad expressions said things like “Awe.” And “Bless his heart. You poor thing.” This just proves we’re different! God created us as guys and girls to act differently. We’re not supposed to act alike!

Because we are so opposite, we bring different desires, needs and expectations to relationships. This is how things get messy. Whatever the status of a relationship, the truth is, expecting guys and girls to understand each other’s needs is like expecting dogs and cats to act the same.

Let’s look at the process of falling for someone. If you develop an interest in someone, you start thinking about them, and you don’t know why, but you can’t shake your “feelings.” Before you know it, they are on your mind all of the time! They smile, and you think, “Wow, she likes me” or he says “Hello,” and you think he’s totally into you. You analyze how that person is acting. You ask your friends. You become a detective trying to read their emotions and actions, looking for some type of evidence that maybe that person might like you. Sounds a little psycho, but we all do it!

Now put the shoe on the other foot. As hard as it is for some of you to believe, there is—or one day will be—a person who is wrapped up in attraction towards you. At some point, someone will over analyze you. As weird as it sounds, someone is—or will be—emotionally vulnerable towards you. It’s kind of like holding a key to someone’s heart.

This puts you in a position of great power! You have the ability to do great good or great harm when it comes to interacting with this person. It’s a huge responsibility! Some of you may be thinking, “I don’t want that kind of responsibility. I just won’t date!” That’s probably a great idea for most of you. But even if you don’t date and you don’t get wrapped up in romantic relationships, you still possess great power to do good or harm.

Here’s how. You most likely interact with members of the opposite-sex every day. And news flash—they still care about what you think. You still have the power to hurt them. For all of these reasons, the responsibility for how you act and what you say is on your shoulders.


Let’s look at Philippians 2:3
What Paul is saying here when he says “do nothing” is that there is no action or activity that should involve you being selfish.

Let’s break it down and get real. If you’re dating or “hanging out” with someone and you have no problem moving the relationship at a fast pace physically, chances are that you have a selfish frame of mind. Essentially, here’s what you’re saying, “I care a lot less about you than I do about me!”
Now you’re saying, “But Lauren, It takes two” or “They started it.” You’ve probably taken advantage of their emotional vulnerability towards you. And as far as I know, taking advantage of someone’s emotional vulnerability falls under the category of selfishness.

I know guys who are masters of looking for weak and vulnerable females. They always seem to date or hang out with younger girls who don’t have a lot of self-esteem. Whether or not they’re aware of it, they take advantage of these girls’ hearts and their need for someone to love them. Some of them will even use their relationship with God or the good things they do at church as tools of manipulation to get the kind of attention they are looking for, but regardless of whether their motives are good or not, these guys haven’t been careful with girls’ hearts—girls who are wired to be emotional and relational.

There are girls who are just as good at manipulation and at using guys to get what they want. Maybe they just want attention, social status or a particular reputation. But they are willing to act a certain way and say things they don’t mean because they are looking at the relationship only from a selfish perspective.

Look at verse 5, “Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others” (Philippians 2:5). The only way to quit constantly thinking about yourself and what you want is to start thinking about other people and what they need.
In the case of dating relationships, what they need is for someone not to take advantage of them. What they need is for someone to care about them and respect them physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Think of it as a story. Each of us is writing our own biography. If you have been dating someone this whole year you will forever be a section in a chapter of their life titled “My Freshman Year.” You may or may not be a part of that person’s life 20 years from now but you will always be a part of their history. So I want you to ask yourself these questions:

“What am I writing in his or her story?”
“How is my relationship with them going to be described ten years from now?
Healthy?
Dishonest?
Encouraging?
Manipulative?

How will my relationship with this person affect how he or she thinks about Jesus?”
Will they think that all Christians are hypocrites?
Will this person think that when it comes to dating, Christians act like everyone else?
Or will he or she think that while things may have not worked out, there was a level of respect and honor there that was different than other relationships?

In a relationship it is your job to guard the other person’s heart, which goes against what our culture teaches. We live in a world that tells you to look out for yourself. But that’s not what Jesus asks us to do. He wants use to love and respect and guard the hearts of the opposite sex.

How do you do that? 2 BIG examples:

Guys: When you say I love you to a girl for the most part you don’t know what you mean. You just know that she likes to hear it. This takes her emotions on a roller coaster ride and she starts thinking about what to name your babies. That’s wrong! You guys are in high school. You should want her to experience all that life has to offer; all the other baskets, before she start settling herself down.


Girls: Do you even understand that what you wear, say, and how you flirt can wrongly be interpreted by the guys you are throwing yourself at. You’re causing them to experience feelings that should be kept for their wives.

If your only filter in a relationship is what’s acceptable to you, you’re selfishly looking to your own interests. Here are two things we must do:

1) Be careful of mixed signals.
The way we talk, the way we behave, and the way we interact with the opposite sex carries a lot of weight. We need to be constantly evaluating our action through the filter of selflessness to make sure the signals we are sending are appropriate.

How many times girls, have we had best guy friends that we would never think of dating but come to find out later that they thought we were heading for a relationship. We were sending wrong signals.

2) Don’t underestimate the importance of respect.
As much as you think you care about someone, let me ask you a question: Are you proud of the way you talk to, treat and act physically towards him or her? Late at night, when you’re by yourself, do you feel guilty for things you’ve done? More importantly, does your treatment of that person reflect your concern to lead that person closer to Christ?

I have no doubt that all of us think respect is important. Have a conversation with people who have been disrespected, and you’ll see how important it is. It hurts even. One way you can attempt to reverse the effects of disrespect is by apologizing to people you may have sent mixed signals to or hurt. Show people that you care about them enough to humble yourself and ask for their forgiveness.

Ask most adults about their dating relationships and somewhere along the way will be a story of a relationship that, if given the chance, he or she would have handled a lot differently. They are a part of someone’s story, someone’s history that brought pain, frustration, even regret. And the reality is that you may already have relationships you wish you had handled differently.

So moving forward, how can you honor God and the boundaries He has set, not only with how you treat someone physically, but by how you treat him or her emotionally? Start caring about someone other than yourself. When we really start caring about other people we will begin to respect them automatically. Make it a goal or a mission to become a person who treats all people with respect, not just members of the opposite sex.